Dear Crackhead, Shortly after you moved in, I began regularly burning incense in our hallway.  It smells like ass in there when I don’t.  Sweaty, dirty, rotten ass, and tires, and cherry cough syrup. People keep asking me if I’m 420-friendly because of the numerous sticks in the wall.  Don’t worry.  I tell them I [...]

Dear Crackhead, Stop calling my husband “Sir”.  Everyone who hears it, including him, knows you only do it because “Look, Rayne! I got all dolled up for you!” didn’t work out so well for you. Signed, Now, I ain’t sayin you a gold digger… Okay, yes, I am.

Dear Crackhead, It’s a letter scale, not a calculator.  Say it with me.  Lehter skeyl.  Good! And no, you can’t use it to weigh your “teenager” on. I know you think you’re protecting yourself with your nifty code words, but you do realize that getting caught buying a “teenager” will get you in just as [...]

Dear Crackhead, If you don’t want to be referred to as a “crackhead”, perhaps you should put down the pipe for two seconds. Signed, Not Fooled by Your Indignation

Dear Crackhead, If you walk up here treating me like one of your “dates” again, I’m gonna act like one. Signed, Not Supporting Your Nasty Ass