I’m a cheap date. No, really. If I can help it, I won’t let anyone spend money on me. I talk about things I want all the time, but I rarely actually go through all the trouble of convincing M I need it and then going to the store to buy it.
I don’t like people buying things for me. Especially when they barely have money to spend on themselves. And I’ll even put off buying something I really need (like a new pair of shoes… shut up.) for months and months so M can have things he wants. If he knew to what extent I go with this, I’d probably get smacked. Seriously.
But besides that? The things people buy these days shock and appall me. Phones that allow people to find you via GPS, clothes that look like they just stepped out of an 80s hair band music video, games that have so much gore and ridiculousness that you lose the point of the game…
So here it is. The top five things people are buying that I do not want.
OnStar – Once upon a time, this wasn’t necessary. If you were in obvious distress on the side of the road, people would stop. Check on you to make sure you were all right. Let you use their phone. There was no need for a GPS tracking system in your car. Or a two way communication system allowing someone to hear you while you’re driving down the road.
I know all the benefits. Believe me, I do. But you know what? I’ve survived 29 years of driving all over the country and have never once gotten stuck in the middle of nowhere with no way of getting in touch with someone in an emergency. Even when the idiot ex managed to slide us into a three foot snowbank, on Valentine’s Day, with the kids in the car, smack dab in the middle of farm country, we managed to flag someone down and get help. It took an hour, but I prefer that to having a GPS tracking system in my vehicle.
And don’t give me the “But, Rayne, what if?” speech. Because the answer to all your “what ifs” is “I don’t care.”
I don’t care if OnStar has saved thousands, millions or even billions of lives. In your car is a GPS tracking system. That means the government – or anyone else with the technology and desire, for that matter – can track you down whenever and where ever they want. They can pinpoint your location at the touch of a button. And don’t think for a second that they wouldn’t if they wanted to find you for some reason. They do. Frequently.
Baby Phat – For those of you not in the know, Baby Phat is one of the leading hip hop brands for female apparel. Which means it’s the favored brand of the ladies out here in Schenectady. While there are a couple outfits on their site that I would rock with pride – Like this one. I want! – the majority of their clothes are just too shiny for me.
Baby Phat, you’re beautiful, but lose the shine. Seriously.
I understand the need for “bling” out here. It makes a person feel good when they’re so broke they’re starving. But really, what’s a fat girl like me doing walking around with a giant golden cat on her chest? It’s blinding!
I’m really not sure what’s up with the trend of wearing glittering metallic clothing. I don’t like it. It looks phony. And it screams “Oh my god look at me!” Just… ew.
PSP (PlayStation Portable) – GameBoy was a bit much. Really.
It was rockin’ awesome that I had something to keep me occupied in the car when we traveled cross country to grandma’s house. But it got to the point that I was so addicted to that hand-held gadget – that only played games! It didn’t double as a cellphone or allow me to watch full-length movies or connect to the internet. It just played games. – that I didn’t even play my Nintendo anymore.
I stopped reading. Why should I read when playing video games just became so much more convenient? Hell, the GameBoy was smaller, and, in some cases, lighter than my books. And if the book I happened to be reading was boring, it was sure a hell of a lot more fun. You knew, with the GameBoy, that all it took for entertainment was the flip of a switch!
I could see myself being worse with PSP. And I see kids around here worse with PSP. Sneaking it in their backpack so they have something to do “at the bus stop” and then sitting through class playing it under their desk. Walking down the street almost getting hit by cars cause they can’t lift their eyes from the screen long enough to cross safely. It’s just… sad.
Sony Vaio Notebooks – I don’t have a lot to say about why I don’t want this. I just don’t.
Okay, I have a little to say.
When Vista first came out, the Vaio came with a factory install. And let me tell you, Vista sucks ass. I mean, even Microsoft admits that Vista sucks ass. When have you ever known them to rush production? And they sure as hell rushed to have Windows 7 out, didn’t they?
So, now Vaio comes with Windows 7. And normally, companies listening to their customers would make me happier than a pig in shit. But Vaio is wicked sensitive. As in, my mother spilled a thimbleful of water on her Vaio and it was completely fried. It could have been fixed but…
The warranty might as well only cover out-of-the-box problems. The hoops you have to jump through to prove that the problem wasn’t caused by you are ridiculous. So if it breaks of its own volition before the warranty runs out, and you can’t prove beyond all reasonable doubt that you didn’t cause it? Expect to be stuck with the repair bill or the price of another laptop.
And trust, the repair bill will be huge. The estimate for my mother’s repairs (She needed a new motherboard.), not including labor or tax, was a couple hundred dollars over what she ended up spending on a new laptop.
I’m clumsy, remember? My Vaio would be dead in three minutes flat! And then what? I’ll pass, please and thanks.
And weighing in as the top thing people are buying that I don’t want:
The iPhone – Okay, really? I get it. I do. I’ve seen some of the apps – like Yowza! Yowza! is hella cool! You can save tons of money through them! – and I understand this growing need we have to be in touch with everyone in the world.
Okay, I don’t understand that need. It blows my mind, actually.
M has this smart phone for work from ATT and I. fucking. hate it. It never leaves his hand unless he’s at his computer. And even when he’s at His computer, it’s not far away.
And it’s got all the bells and whistles. He can check his email, babble on Twitter, play games, browse the web. Occasionally, he checks bus schedules and the news and his job’s network. He’s so connected I swear the fucking thing is plugged into his brain.
And why? Because they knew that if they bought their engineers a gadget that kept them plugged in, they’d stay plugged in. And it worked!
You’re all sheep. You’re playing right into their grubby little hands with your Blackberries and iPhones and wireless notebooks that have a five hundred year battery charge. But whatever. While you waste your life on staying connected, I’m gonna keep writing for a living and staying disconnected. It works for me.
What are some things everyone wants that you guys think are lame?